7 years of Procrastination...

I think I've been putting off writing a post for 7 years because as I (slowly) turn into an adult, I get less funny. The good news is that from time to time I can still really amuse myself - mostly with the help of my good friends Li and Bations.

On Saturday I helped Nicole make a big'ol dick cake for a friend's birthday - all by hand - and it was a triumphant hand-job! Total junk food, but not too hard to swallow! Needless to say, our friend didn't feel shafted after he was presented with the cock. It was almost too nice to cut, and I a part of me wanted to hang around to see who first cut it so I could cast a "Bobit" zinger. I didn't though.

As I sit at the computer, my adorable Julius Cat is sleeping in a bag. She seems to like to find bags to sleep in, and every time I see her go for a bag I wonder where the saying "Cat's out of the bag" is from. I wonder this because in my experience cats are always trying to get in those dang bags! Something to think about.

Oh Phil.... ha ha ha

Another bar fight at the Elixir ended in me calling the cops. There were some guys...fighting...outside the bar....and it was not looking so good...so I called the cops. After I made the call, I watched from my window (with the lights off so no one would see me peeping of course) and watched the takedown of "Phil". Phil insisted that he "didn't do nothing" and that everything happening was "bullshit" because he "served his fucking country every fucking day", but last night I'm pretty sure the only thing Phil was serving was drugs...to himself. I got to see the cuffing of Phil, which was pretty fun, and the un-cuffing (when his friends talked the cops out of the arrest), but I rate the cuffing better than the un-cuffing.

I went bowling again tonight - with my mom. It was really fun. I knocked down some pins, and some pins fell from the sky, and feet came from the ceiling - it was weird.

I am now watching "fat actress" with Kirsty Alley. She really IS fat. Blossom is on the episode too - she has a bit of extra junk in her trunk as well. Here are a few more Hollywood ladies carrying a few extra pounds: Rosie O'Donell, that woman from 'the Practice', Queen Latifa, Star Jones, and the obvious - Calista Flockhart.


oh....also.... Aparently Julius Cat didn't learn from the first 'string/puke incident' because she repeated the action. The puke, however, did not resemble a braid as it did last time.

Tipsy Post

Yeah -so here’s a classic 'Joey's had a few drinks' post on my blog (that's a web-log folks)....

I was working tonight - doing the keg changes and washing people's gasses and such - and what happens...??? - you don't know, but I'll tell you. Some white trash idiot lights-up a joint in the middle of the bar! Number one - pot in a bar, that's pretty brave. Number two - pot in a bar in a non-smoking city, that's just STUPID! When he was asked to leave by the manager, the guy's in question put up a ruckus. Who has the audacity (sp?) to do such a thing??? It's just crazy.

Also today, I cooked a delicious dinner in which I made chicken wrapped around delicious filling. I wrapped the chicken in butcher's twine (even though I'm not a butcher), and didn't have time to clean it up before work. The cat (Julius Cat) ate the chicken string and threw it up on my carpet...AWESOME!

That is all.

Yay Shiva!

Shiva is ok! I'm not talking about the Hindu God of Destruction, I'm talking Mr. Vice President Shiva Mayer. Poor boy's lung collapsed most unfortunately last week, but it has been re-inflated and boy has made a full recovery.

So I saw this movie 'War of the Worlds' - I giver two thumbs down. Predictable, cheesy (in a bad way, not in a smothered in Mozzarella sort of way), and I was too drunk to follow what was happening.

I made a shocking discovery yesterday - the Copper Penny doesn't have Blue Curacao - so if you're in the mood for a blue martini, I warn you against the Copper Penny.

Last night (twas a busy day in which much happened) I got some gum in my hair and I had to cut it out. How old am I? I really thought the 'gum in hair' chapter of my life was over - apparently not.

Today's Napping Log: woke up - 7:45ish
nap # 1 - 9:15 - 11:15 (on an uncomfortable bench)
nap # 2 - 1:45 - 2:10 (in my bed)
nap # 3 - 3:30 - 4:30 (also in my bed)
nap # 4 - 8:00 - 9:45 (standing up at work - brain dead)
final sleep - still to come.

Warning - Nacho's are deadly!

Twas a great weekend! Friday was 'girls night out', but with boy. Chris and I managed to get ditched by 4 people - that might be some sort of record.

Saturday was spent in bed all day - been a long time since I've been able to do that, and I loved every minute of it. Saturday evening the crazyness started. The evening was launched with the application of super cool matching tatoo's for team 'Mamma told me to play safe' aka Chris and myself. After the pain from the tatoos subsided, Matt, Jean Chris and myself started double fisting beer and wine and whatever else we could get our hands on.

After Chris so bravely waved down a cab, the four of us made our way to the alley - the bowling alley. Two games later, Chris and I came out on top! Jean and matt picked their dignity off the ground and we all went to Philthy McNasty's for the 5$ game pitchers - we drank a bunch of those and ate some nachos. The nacho, which apparently had something against me, lodged it's self in my throat and tried to kill me. It failed - ha ha!

Then Famous King - yum!

That was the weekend.

...been too long.

So, much has happened since I last blogged

I moved out of the house of cheese - all us cheesers moved. 'Twas a sad day, but I do enjoy living on my own, but not totally on my own.

I got me a cat who has been a faithful companion to me for just over half a year. I named her Julius Cat and I lover her very much, especially when she's not peeing on my bags and vomiting on my sheets.

I lost some weight. I can fit into ALL my pants again - it's pretty good, but my brown belt is now too big. If someone has a brown belt smaller than mine they want to donate to me, I will be an appreciative recipient...or I could punch another hole in the one I have, but I'm WAY too lazy to actually DO anything.

I'm back working at the Tir Nan 'Og - it's ok I guess. I been doing this 'bar running', so my pipes are getting HUGE from all the keg lifting - I rock!

I went to the Royal Winter Fair last weekend and got me some boots. They're really fun boots and they'll be good for keeping my feet warm and stuff.

...And that about puts me to now.

Discovery : Chairs burn real good.

Last night was a night of drinking, friends (but not drinking friends), veggie burgers and furniture burning at the Slanty Shanty. Thanks to Mike and Steve, with much help from Joanna, Jasmine and Lisa, we got to meet the Kingston Fire Department - They didn't like the pit of fire as much as we did. At about 10pm last night the silence of Albert Street was broken by the sounds of big trucks, big red trucks. Out of the trucks came a cavalcade of firemen whose purpose was to extinguish the pit of fire. Although they ruined the fun (and out heat source), they were pretty nice about it all. Apparently Kingston bi-laws prevent open fires - something not noted on the internet.

After our fire fun was over, we took a trip down memory lane (that would be about 15 minutes west of the Ghetto - also known as 'West Campus'). Not much has changed except for the nice new furniture they have in the cafeteria. Sadly, all I could think when I was there was "I bet those chairs would burn real good".

I'm going to go ahead and dedicate this blog to my graduating friends - Lisa, Joanna, Jasmine, Steve and Mike in particular - those crazy bastards have been the source of much fun, and I'm going to miss the hell out of all of them. I will also take this opportunity to write something about each individual one of them:

Lisa: Great at cooking, even better at taking her pants off when she gets drunk.

Joanna: Polish and proud, and one funny-ass drunk!

Jasmine: (I hope I spelled the name properly) My twin, to a scary extent, even though we don't look a thing alike. - can also be regarded as a Hippie-Goth (not too many of those out there)

Steve: Master of public urination and the most destructive guy I know!

Mike: I used to think he didn't like me, but he's just introverted. I will always remember Mike with a beaver-tail box head!

End of an era!

One more note - it was exactly 5 years ago today that Jenny and I went to see NIN and I touched Trent Reznor.