Discovery : Chairs burn real good.

Last night was a night of drinking, friends (but not drinking friends), veggie burgers and furniture burning at the Slanty Shanty. Thanks to Mike and Steve, with much help from Joanna, Jasmine and Lisa, we got to meet the Kingston Fire Department - They didn't like the pit of fire as much as we did. At about 10pm last night the silence of Albert Street was broken by the sounds of big trucks, big red trucks. Out of the trucks came a cavalcade of firemen whose purpose was to extinguish the pit of fire. Although they ruined the fun (and out heat source), they were pretty nice about it all. Apparently Kingston bi-laws prevent open fires - something not noted on the internet.

After our fire fun was over, we took a trip down memory lane (that would be about 15 minutes west of the Ghetto - also known as 'West Campus'). Not much has changed except for the nice new furniture they have in the cafeteria. Sadly, all I could think when I was there was "I bet those chairs would burn real good".

I'm going to go ahead and dedicate this blog to my graduating friends - Lisa, Joanna, Jasmine, Steve and Mike in particular - those crazy bastards have been the source of much fun, and I'm going to miss the hell out of all of them. I will also take this opportunity to write something about each individual one of them:

Lisa: Great at cooking, even better at taking her pants off when she gets drunk.

Joanna: Polish and proud, and one funny-ass drunk!

Jasmine: (I hope I spelled the name properly) My twin, to a scary extent, even though we don't look a thing alike. - can also be regarded as a Hippie-Goth (not too many of those out there)

Steve: Master of public urination and the most destructive guy I know!

Mike: I used to think he didn't like me, but he's just introverted. I will always remember Mike with a beaver-tail box head!

End of an era!

One more note - it was exactly 5 years ago today that Jenny and I went to see NIN and I touched Trent Reznor.

God Bless America

I'm not sure if anyone is aware, but directly to the south of our great nation, Canada, lays a big mass of land known as 'The United States of America'. I left Wednesday morning, pointed south and drove through New York to get to the small state of Connecticut. Waiting for me in Connecticut was my wonderful fake family who I haven't seen in far too long.

Wednesday night (after dinner and such) Kylie (my fake sister) and I were going to paint the town red. We got Lyn (my other fake sister) to baby-sit Kyan (kylie's 14 month old son, my fake nephew) and we were free to get crazy. We drank some and went in search of a 'hot spot' in good'ol Danbury. Unfortunately, we got a late start and the tight asses of Connecticut think that drinks should not be served after one am.

Thursday there was a trip to Yale in New Haven. Apparently nothing makes me feel more inferior than Ivy League.

Friday was a trip to the Big Apple (That's a nick-name for New York City). That one big city with lots of shoe stores *drool* yet not a one of the shoe stores housed footwear to fit my GIANT feet. It was also rather cold Friday and the baby had no coat. He was getting fussy and throwing blankets off, so we shoved him in a pillowcase to keep him warm - that made me laugh because we put our cats in pillow cases when we take them to the vet (note: Kyan was NOT taken to the vet).

Saturday was a day of driving around finding adventures (and puddles) with Kylie. I went to the ocean, got a soaker, and picked up some sea shells which had a bit of a funky smell. So I guess it could be said of me; she smells sea shells by the sea shore (but replace 'sea' with 'ocean').

I left Saturday night to drive home. It only rained about 80% of the time; the other 20% was a mixture of hail and strong winds.
The dark provided a cloak of confusion for my sense of direction. I took a wrong turn or missed an exit or something and ended up in some place called Scranton, Pennsylvania. I guess I found out why they're called the "United" States - they're so united, it's impossible to tell where one ends and one begins until you stop at a gas station for directions and they tell you you're in Pennsylvania.

Last leg of the trip was the Canada customs. Apparently I had too much booze, so I had to pay some money. The weird thing was I was paying money to Jay - my friend’s brother ...being that it was 1:30 am, I wasn't expecting to see people I know on the Canada/USA border.

When I got home I was greeted by a cheery Al and Aliya and a VERY drunk Brandon. Brandon's friends dropped him home in bad shape and left him. The wall had to be unscrewed so we could ensure he wouldn't choke on his own vomit. Luckily his vomit went on his bed, out of his mouth, so he didn't choke. I was slightly less than impressed.

This is the longest blog ever - so I will stop now. Right now.

Creepy Veggies.

Has anyone else noticed how Brussel Sprouts resemble (to an alarming extent) teeny cabbages??? It's kinda creepy!

While on the subject of teeny, (fear not, I'm not heading toward the subject of male genitalia again) did anyone else ever eat broccoli and pretend they were a giant eating a tree? Cauliflower used to remind me of snow covered trees, but now with all the STD descriptions being 'cauliflower like' I have more trouble eating them in their cauliflower shape.

A little off the topic, but since Bethany showed this to me I can't get enough...check it out!

http://www.michounet.com/fatman/

I am Job!

Kingston, gotta love it! I went from utterly jobless to having 3 possibilities.

I went to an interview yesterday for which I prepared my best cleavage, but the interviewer was a girl. However, she must have liked it (or even possibly me) to some extent because I got a call back before I could even make it home from the interview. Keep your fingers, toes and eyes crossed for me, I want that job (it's a management position - you know how I like to boss people around).

The interview I went to was all the way out by the Cat. Center, so I bussed it there and back. The Kingston transit system is notorious for being ridden by the cretins of society; today was no different. There was a fat man omitting what could have been the most offensive odor I've ever had the displeasure of smelling. He chose to sit right beside me - I ask you - how lucky am I?

Ummmm....about all the msn stuff, I'm really sorry. It keeps doing that, and I don't know how to make it stop. Don't download the thing though, whatever you do! Download = death.

I went and renewed my new drivers license - I'm so excited, I finally get a new picture. I'm so sick of being double carded! The new picture ain't no glamour shot, but it's better than the chipmunk face on the old license!

That's all Folks.

Important Stuff

It has been brought to my attention that perhaps the reason people aren’t commenting on my blogs as much as I would like them to is because I don’t write about ‘important’ stuff. I would like to clarify why this is….

My opinions mean shit all (that’s right – I used a swear). I don’t post about anything that matters, because I don’t matter. I could talk about the “micro penises” that have been plaguing Russia, but I prefer to make people laugh. Actually, now that I’ve brought it up – interesting story…

In Russia, 1/200 men are born with a penis that is (when erect) less than 2 inches. Doctors have been doing operations whereby they remove the head of the penis, attach it to the arm of the man with the teeny ding, and grow it till it’s big enough to re-attach to the proper anatomical position. Please don’t ask any follow up questions, because I DON”T KNOW – what I do know is that this is real (the newspaper told me so, and you should always believe what you read).
Here - http://www.mosnews.com/news/2005/03/22/miraclesurgery.shtml

New in the life of Joey: nothing but loneliness and bitterness. Cry for me.

That is all.

P.S. Boys STINK!

FOUND IT!

My slipper was in my pajama drawer at the bottom - where else would it have been? Stupid me! Well, it was unearthed just in time for puffy warm slipper season to be over. To quote some stupid girl from high school "I am so angry" *throws paper coffee cup in fit of rage*.

Friday night the Gals (Al and Aliya) and I had a bit of a porn overload - we watched bad porn and laughed at scrap paper. *slaps knee "polar beearrr". I'm sure most of you are thinking "bad porn? How could such a thing happen???" - I assure you it can, and it did - if you don't believe me, I have the evidence.

Bethany came from London to see me on Sunday - that was super. Sat around with her and Paige and reminisced about old Bloor West memories (we also watched a fat Dutch man sing *yobai yobai yeay*). Ummm, Bethany, I just realized that I was supposed to call you to make sure you're not dead, and I forgot (truth be told I got caught up in the Miss America Pageant), so please don't be dead - I'll call you tomorrow.

Who Put it There, and Why?

So I was doing what I do today, you know, when I looked out my window. I generally keep the curtain (or sheet - whatever) closed to prevent the sun from coming in and making my room a sweltering furnace, so I don't look out a lot. To my surprise, there are two quarters just sitting on the little roof outside my window taunting me. I can't get to them because my screen is screwed shut, and believe you me - I've tried to pry that open many-a-time. So there, outside my window are two lonely, inaccessible quarters - that's a couple minutes in a dryer, or half a chocolate bar, but those poor quarters will never live up to their potential.

Moment of silence for the roof change.

Now, for future referance - if you happen to be the individual who threw money at my window, next time throw it at my head - I won't mind. Actually, that goes for anyone - if you have some money you wish to throw, my head has a bullseye on it just for you!