Extra! Extra!

This just in:
Joey loves Bethany!

*To buy Joey's love send $100 000 000 cash or money order to Joey Vilcius C/O me.



(buying Joey's love does not entitle the customer to ownership, in any way, over Joey's body, nor does it warrent touching)

What Does it all Mean?

I had a really weird dream…. I dreamt that I got proposed to (but I don’t know who proposed), and I accepted the proposal even though I didn’t want to. I then called off that engagement, and not long after that I got a second proposal from someone else. I know who the second person was – Jessica Wood (a lifelong friend, but someone I haven’t seen or talked to since October). The ring she presented me was beautiful (and HUGE). The night I accepted her proposal I went on a date, and hid my ring.

Anyone good at analyzing dreams???

I’m pretty sure it just boils down to the fact that I’ve been spending way too much time with Carrie Bradshaw and the other kooky gals from Sex and the City.

I Ruined Easter All By Myself

I’m not much of one for the holidays – there’s too much stress on families which leads to inevitable family anarchy, or as I warmly refer to it “familarchy”. I know that’s not a word, but I don’t know any other way to describe it without crazy, shrill sound effects. I’m talking complete and utter chaos – 7 conversations going in a room of 12 people (if you don’t think that’s possible, come on over for Christmas).

Now that I’ve established my distain for holidays, I’ll dove into Vilcius/Bieman/Davies Easter 2005. I got talked into going home, partly because I ran out of food here, and partly because I hadn’t seen the family in a while (who, on ‘off season’, are all wonderful people!). Saturday morning I woke up with a swore throat, headache, and bad taste in my mouth – I figured I was just hung over from all the fun the night before, but I was proven wrong after my hangover fix didn’t work. I decided to tough it out and go to the mall with my mom so we could go shopping for Easter eggs (damn lazy Easter Bunny, never does its own shopping). Malls are overwhelming enough, but there were a few times that I had to sit down. One bench I found had a great location, but it was infested with children. There was one particular child I found to be quite distressing. The kid (sex of child: undetermined) was eating soda crackers, rather messily, and had snot dribbling out it’s nose and all over it’s hands – it kept trying to touch me.

This is starting to get rather long – I’ll shorten it form here on in.

I ruined Eater because I got the flu, and my 82-84 year old grandparents can’t risk getting sick, nor can my uncle whose health is rather precarious. Easter was supposed to be at our house, instead it was no where. My grandfather was devastated that he didn’t get any ham, sorry Taid!

...the extremes I'll go to thwart family gatherings.

Also, I left in a frantic rush to catch my train, still sick and tired, and I left my slippers there – the pair that has two of them – my moon boot is still a solo ‘slipper’.

I’ll update the status of my slippers at a later date.

Iron Chef Joey

Nothing has happened to me in the last 24 hours that is Blog worthy, so I think I'll waste this space telling about the dream I had.

So, I was a Chef competing on the Iron Chef challenge, but I had 2 challengers. The first challenger was a real chef, and the other was my brother, Erik. The secret ingredient was unveiled, and it was salmon. I was quite confident in my skills to create some delicious dishes with the salmon, but I had no sue chefs, so there wasn't enough time to do everything. I was feeling frantic, but I pulled it together to dream up a menu of spicy salmon/couscous salad, a salmon carpaccio (which I'm not even sure would work), and a caramelized smoky salmon thing. I was running around the weird kitchen looking for potatoes (I don't even know where they fit into my menu, but there was such an urgency in getting them), but there were no potatoes there. Then I started to cry because I couldn't find any of the ingredients I wanted.

In my personal analysis of this dream, there is a lot of symbolism that is blatantly obvious. Crying over not having a potato is representative of my real life frustration of not being able to find my slipper. But we can take that analysis one step further.... My Slipper is representative of a life path; I can't find my way in life, so I channel that frustration onto the conundrum of the missing slipper.

So the moral of this story is - once I fink my slipper, my life will once again have meaning.

Cats and Gerrbils

So, here's how it goes.....
Tonight, I had a bit of a strange night - all the conversation ended us in the topic of sodomy. So....we were wonering, if some sodomy had to be created, where would you create this sodomy???? We, the "bar folk" decided that the stairs were the way to go, but the creative people would choose to shove a gerrbil up a cat's bum and that would be done on the bar. What do you think?

Here's what I think - I think I shouldn't drink so much, nor should I hang out with people that turn every conversation onto the topic of sodomy.

Been a while.

Since my last blog, I’ve done it all – from gambling, to museuming, to eating damn good Indian Cuisine. I played some Scrabble in there too – I know you’re all thinking ‘wow, where does this girl get all the time to do this amazing stuff?’, and I’m not sure – but sidebar about the Scrabble; I got into a tie game.

So, I cleaned my room – I cleaned it real good, and n’ere is there a second slipper to be found. Where could it be? If you were a slipper, where would you park yourself?

I've got all the Crazy

Want some?

Bowling Shmoling

Yesterday I went Bowling. I like Bowling. I also played pool - another thing I like. Also - I had some beers, I think I've already established that I like those.

Beer, Wine and Spirits are our Friends.

Just call me Boozy McBooze! Not only is booze our friend, but booze also makes friends for you - everyone loves the happy drunk. The lesson here is never use any self restraint when you find yourself in a situation where people are drinking - all the cool kids are doing it, and you don't make friends with salad.

I ate a meal at WoodenHeads at 4pm today - it was the first meal of my day, but was it breakfast, lunch, or dinner? Oh well, it was scrumptious (I was not aware until just now that ‘scrumptious’ is actually a word - fun).

It's time now to put an end to this 2 day bender I've been on - I bid you good night.

I'm a Tad Bit Hungover.....

Yesterday I went to the gym, today my calves hurt. Coincidence? I think not.

It's been a while since I hit the bottle, so last night I decided to give'er a real good beating. I had a ton of fun! After loosing miserably at 'Mario Kart', I went to Smijies for our $1.25 pitchers. I'm pretty sure the pitchers weren't supposed to be $1.25, I just think the bartender lady was not a math whiz, but she could clearly count to two *nudge nudge* if you know what I'm saying. If you don't know what I'm saying; I'm implying that she had big boobies.

This morning when I woke up I had all the tell-tale signs of a good night last night - dry mouth, headache, smeared make-up, stamp on my face that transferred from my hand when I slept on my hand, stench of booze from the vast amounts of beer that was spilled on me. I'm in better shape then my bottle of rum though - this morning the bottle is very drained *zing*.

Have I lost my 'Ass Factor'?

Talking with Aliya today made me realize that it has been almost a week since I made an ass of myself. It's like I don't even know me anymore. No falling in public, or junk on my face - and an those days I was wearing real pants, the fly stayed up the whole time! Old Joey made an ass of herself on every street corner - will she ever come back?

On a totally unrelated note, I talked to Jenny on MSN today. Jenny is my estranged friend from high school, and one of only two really. Now that we've reconciled after clearing up misunderstandings, we still can't be friends because there are oceans standing in between our friendship. I don't mean that figuratively or metaphorically; she lives in London England now, so there's a real honest to god ocean with fish and everything. The good news is that Jenny is coming back to our humble country in May, we will rekindle the once raging fires of our friendship (now, THAT was a metaphor).

Also unrelated, I have been laughing an awful lot at things that aren't even funny, but the laughing is better than the crying!

One more thing - I know there are at least two or three people who read my blog from time to time. For you most wonderful people, please comment. I get so excited when people comment! Even if you just put an emoticon there or something.....it gives me a feeling of self worth when I get a comment, save me from my emptiness!

Holy Shit, it's March!

Did you know it's now March? It was a pretty shocking surprize to me. And not only is it March, but it's day 3 of March - that's crazy! February is too short! Where did it go? Well, I'll tell you where it didn't go - it didn't go under my bed. "how does SHE know that?" you may be asking yourself... Well, simple, I don't have a bed, all I have is a stinking piece of foam on my floor that I pass off as a bed. I do have sheets on my foam, but it has what I colourfuly refer to as a 'sinkhole' in the middle of it where the weight of my ass compresses it - not the sheets - the foam. I don't think it contributes positively to my back problems....

Thinking about that sheety foam is making me want to curl up on it with a good book and some valium. Unfortunatly, I have no valium - 'imovane' is all I have, and the book I'm reading right now, although good, I wouldn't catogorize as great. I'm over half way through, but there is hope for it to be great yet.

Minus 1 Slipper

I have these great slippers from Mountain Equiptment Co-op that look like moon boots, and have a Kevlar bottom, and one of them is MIA. I've torn my room appart, but the slipper is no where to be found. I suspect it may be hybernating. If you see my slipper, tell it 'mommy misses it, and I want it to come home'.